Life of Lies

o-man-sitting-on-bench-facebook

: How are you?
: I’m good.

You asked me how I was doing.
As usual, I said that everything was going well.
The best answer there is if you want a dead-end conversation, but I didn’t want that.
You said, “That’s good.”

: You don’t really look good. You okay?
: That’s normal.

Ever since I met you, I have always told you that I’ll never lie to you.
I thought I was successful in that, but I wasn’t.
I lied to you. A lot of times actually.
But not in the cheating or am-not-telling-you-where-I’m-going kind of lying.
I lied to you about what I have been feeling inside.

: You sure?
: Yes, yes.

I was weak. I would get jealous. I was insecure. I was scared. I didn’t trust you. I was selfish.
I know it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself from letting my own thoughts and feelings drown me to this misery I made myself.
I only thought of my own well-being.
For you? I did, but my own fear made it seem like I didn’t.

: Shawn, where are you right now?
: I’m on my way.

And I thought I already learned, but I guess not.
But I hope I will soon.

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